Written by Roy Turse
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Topics: Ass, Award, duffy, Brit Awards

Thursday, 19 February 2009

image for Duffy's Ass Breaks Record at Brits
a quick change was required

We learned today that Welsh singing sensation Duffy had to change her outfit part way through the Brits Awards due to a mishap in the interval. It seems she inadvertently broke an eight metre Gold Disc display with her pert buttock shelf when she turned around suddenly. This caused the rear of her dress, which was already under some stress, to disintegrate.

As a result, although she picked up three awards, for the third she is seen wearing her backup dress and she seemed somewhat emotional and distracted during her brief acceptance speech.

Organisers of the event said later that they thought Duffy had looked 'amazing' in her first dress, but that if she came back next year their insurance premiums were likely to go up. "There's a booty-control clause in our policy which Duffy unfortunately did not adhere to."

It has been known for some time that the pop music industry operates a no-buttocks rule for young female singers, although Jennifer Lopez has always had a special dispensation. Duffy has lost weight over the last year and is getting closer to the 'boys with boobs' shape that is demanded by the single middle-aged men who run the business. Although her posterior was accentuated by her original outfit, it is thought she will soon meet the Girls Aloud benchmark.

Luckily there was no other bottom-related damage at the show, despite James Corden being allowed to dance and Alan Carr sharing a dressing room with the Pet Shop Boys.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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