Written by Mark Lowton
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Friday, 30 January 2009

image for Clarkson Makes US Chart History
Clarkson, presenting Top Gear

All round entertainer Jeremy Clarkson has made the highest entry on a debut single in the US charts.

His single, Your Life Would Suck Without Me, entered the number one slot after it was downloaded by over a billion Americans.

Clarkson, a long-standing friend of American Idol guru Simon Cowell, said he got a lot of encouragement from the high-trousered musical genius.

Many downloaders, however, were said to be disappointed with their purchase after listening to the song.

"It's all hype man," explained Pete Bushell (16, AR). "I was told it's the best single to come out this century, but it's just some guy talking about cars and how everyone should worship him. It just plain sucks. He should change it to your life would suck with me. Stupid poop head."

Pop star Kelly Clarkson lost out on the number one slot, falling to second place, managing just under 300,000 downloads. Better luck next time honey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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