Written by John Cavanagh
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Thursday, 17 November 2005

Washington DC (AP) - After leaving the Alexandria office of the Commissioner for Patents today, Priscilla Presley, President of Elvis Presley Enterprises Inc., announced that she is now the licensee and owner of a patent that discloses the invention of chrimeric genes and cells, that replicate in nature, some of the remarkable qualities of her former husband, Elvis Presley.

Ms. Presley insists that she is loyal, as always, to Elvis's memory, and has not claimed patent protection for the undisputed King of Rock 'n' Roll himself - merely some genes and cells. "Elvis is unpatentable", she said.

John Calvert, patent specialist with the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) said, "I've always loved Elvis; as far as I'm concerned he's the highest life form out there, living or dead - but my hands were tied."

The city of Las Vegas is in uproar, as many of its industry participants face the possibility of million dollar lawsuits being filed against them, for alleged infringing 'use' made by suspect Elvis impersonators. Some of these Elvis impersonators may be forced to prove that they have not achieved their outstanding results by the prior injection of some of the protected genes and cells.

"These Elvis impersonators have not sought a license or permission from Elvis Presley Enterprises Inc.," said Ms. Presley. "From this day forward, Elvis Presley Enterprises Inc. will require designated Elvis impersonators to enter in to a licensing arrangement called an Elvis Aaron Use Agreement."

Leading Elvis impersonator, Max Pellicano, was not concerned. "They may be able to clone his face. They may be able to clone his body. They may even be able to clone his voice. But they will never be able to clone his soul. And that's what will always give me my edge."

Kathy Westmoreland, the backing vocalist referred to by Elvis as "the little girl with the beautiful high voice" was disgusted. " Elvis loved the music; his passion was always about the music. Today, it seems to be all about the money."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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