Written by Bureau
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Topics: Celebrities, gossip

Monday, 5 January 2009

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The DUI Parade Continues

Rebecca Romign and Jerry O'Connell are the proud parents of twin girls according to reports on the radio this morning including that of Howard Stern on his satellite radio program.

Romijn, 36, regretfully had missed Howard Stern's recent nuptials and recently confessed in an interview, "I can't move anymore -I'm like a big beached whale."

But she's certainly not a whale any more.

No names have been divulged yet for the X-Men star's girls although Jerry reportedly joked "They're only going to be allowed to date men who are well-balanced superheroes."

"Also, we've ruled out Shamu and Moby Dick", sighed a very tired Rebecca.


That "Bachelor About Town" kookie Ralph Nader said he had a lonely holiday season according to a one-time voter.

"It was emptier than a GMC car lot around here", joked Bachelor #1,984,002. "If they'd listened to me 40 years ago and began building decent cars we wouldn't be in this mess. Most of those CEO's with their hands out should go to Florida and make a success of growing lemons."


Reportedly cornered in an Upper Manhattan grocery, the ever popular Woody Allen, who's been married now to his former wife's (Mia Farrow) adopted daughter, Soon Yi Previn, for 15 years, was asked how their sex life was going?

"Well, honestly, it's become a lot more routine, run-of-the-mill, mechanical, humdrum. Which is just the way I like it."


Friends of Barack Obama say that one of the very first things that he will do as president in a few weeks is to close down Gitmo.

"He's either going to send the inmates elsewhere, place them on the Detroit Lions player roster or else declare it bankrupt and defy anyone in congress to bail it out."


IN THE "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST CATEGORY" Actor Sam Shephard has become the latest "Victim" of the DUI Parade.

The Right Stuff and Pulitizer Prize winner was reportedly pulled over by cops in a small Illinois town early Saturday morning exceeding the speed limit - which was in a 30 MPH zone.

Police says that the 65-year-old Shepard was doing at least 42MPH....and was drunk.

Shepard's blood alcohol level was about double the legal limit a breath test allegedly revealed.

Cops say the Obie Award winning playwright was waved over by a patrolman on foot who immediately called for back-up, the only other cop on duty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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