Written by IainB
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Thursday, 20 November 2008

image for Sergeant's marching orders
Two Left Feet Sergeant [on the left] has left.

John Sergeant has quit the hit show Strictly Dancing. He told BBC bosses that he felt he was preventing people who could dance from winning.

After finishing bottom in every show, only to be saved by the viewers votes each time, the ungainly hippopotamus had become the bookies favourites to win the show.

Sergeant said he felt he was holding back those people on the show who could dance, however OfTelly, the television watchdog commission, is fielding calls from angry viewers who believe that Sergeant was forced from the show by bosses who have forgotten that the whole point of the show is that it is entertainment, and that Sergeant was entertaining.

"If I wanted to watch a bunch of highly paid celebrities dance well, I'd go back to watching ballet," said Quentin St John, a bricklayer from Surrey. "Sergeant was the only good thing on that show, and the pompous judges have forgotten that we're not watching it for a perfect pas de deux, but to watch celebrities trip up and hurt themselves!"

Strictly bosses are adamant that they did not force Sergeant from the show. "John voluntarily resigned," Dan Sing, head of light entertainment said afterwards. "rumours that we took away his dressing room and made him wear stupid clothes, whilst always calling him names and shouting 'John GO AWAY!' are completely unfounded. Nor did we pay his partner to refer to him as 'donkey'."

Bruce Forsythe is said to be happy at Sergeant's 'decision'.

"He was funnier than my jokes, and I cannot be having that." Forsythe told a close friend over an intimate dinner.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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