Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 23 October 2008

image for Miley Cyrus Really Billy Ray's Ex-Wife
Miley, Not so Young and Innocent

Investigative reporters have uncovered birth certificate and other legal documents proving the young Disney phenom to be the ex-wife of former country music star Billy Ray Cyrus, and not his daughter.

Miley, now 26, had been hiding her age in order to enhance her career. Stranger still, the rouse was the result of language embedded in the divorce agreement between Billy Ray and Miley from 2001.

Ira Leech, publicity agent for Billy Ray Cyrus called the first press conference to control the spin as much as possible. "They met at a time when both their careers were in obscurity; they fell in love, married and then divorced without the burden of public scrutiny. Miley was very young, and Billy Ray had nothing to offer but his 'Achy Breaky Heart' and a couple of twenties in his pocket."

When questioned about Miley playing a 15 year old, Leech responded, "It was the Johnny Depp phenomena from 21 Jump Street. She'll always look like a teenager regardless of her age. Besides, the divorce agreement stated that Billy Ray was responsible for finding some way to provide Miley a source of income. Since he had no pot to piss in, as it were, this was the only way to provide for her well being."

"You mean sell her to the Disney Corporation, lie to the public about her age? What about her image of purity and innocence?" One reporter asked. "She's a wonderful little girl" Billie Ray jumped to the microphone to respond. "She could easily play a 15 year old, and that was our ticket back to the stage. If Steven Tyler can showcase his daughter, Liv to the world, why can't I. Innocence? Ask me about that in the bar when the microphone is off."

"But she's your ex-wife", challenged the same reporter. Billy Ray responded, "Well, I guess I like her much better as my daughter than my wife. She's easier to take care of, easier to say no to, cheaper too because she has her own money. The little twit makes more than I do."

Another reporter apparently oblivious to the country music scene from the 90's asked, "OK, who are you again, what's with the mullet, and when do we get a chance at pictures with Miley?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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