Written by matwil
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Thursday, 16 October 2008

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'What's that, Paul?'

Former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr today said he was too busy to sign autographs, or to read fanmail sent to him.

'Everyone knows I was the most talented Beatle', he said from one of his houses, 'and that's why I've had to say enough is enough, no more fanmail please. Last week I had to wade through three letters, and two of them were from my percussion teacher asking for his money back. And the week before I got four letters, and all of them asked me if writing 'Octopus's Garden' wasn't on a par with writing 'The Long and Winding Road', or 'Strawberry Fields Forever'. And I didn't even write 'Octopus's Garden'!'

When asked just how much of the fan mail was actually fan mail, he said: 'Well, I got one letter - with no stamp - that said it was me what kept The Beatles together, then I noticed it was addressed to George Harrison.' And when also asked what he actually did in The Beatles, he said: 'What didn't I do? Coke, grass, vallies, we was out of it every day. Oh, see what you mean, I played the drums. And made the tea.'

Ringo Starr - real name Ringo Starr - had his statue decapitated in Liverpool, after saying that he was glad to get away from the city to tour America, and to promote his 'I Love Liverpool' album. And he promoted the self-penned work by appearing on BBC's Jonathan Ross Show to say 'I love Liverpool so much I hope I never see the dump again.'

Former Beatles's sidekick, Paul McCartney, had this to say: 'Array, Ringo! Listen, people used to ask me if me and John were the best song writers in the world. And I said we're not even the best song writers in The Beatles, it's Ringo!' George Martin is indestructible today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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