The famous television stars and excruciatingly irritating Trinny and Suzanna have, according to 'The News of the World' newspaper, today announced their engagement, much to the dismay of the gay community.
It would appear that these two women, famed for causing normal viewers to become unwell, vomit or even in extreme circumstances commit suicide (technical term 'Gok Wan'), are not actually lesbians, although many lesbians are really quite thankful for small mercies, many turning to religion as a result.
It would appear that a journalist from the "News of the World', who had been camped in the duo's garden for the past 8 months, overheard a discussion the two women were having late one evening.
Seemingly, Trinny, or it may have been Suzanna, said to Suzanna or it might have been Trinny: "Look, I'll be frank" to which the other replied "No, no, please . I'll be frank."
The journalist misconstrued that they might be occupied in activities whereby one of them assumed the mantle of a male "Frank". Being late at night, the journalist than made what he could of turning this innocent exchange into a piece of salacious, sex-riddled fiction, cleverly disguised as news, for his paper.
The two women are said not to be the least bit concerned, and in fact are pleased that the News of the World has simply confirmed what they have been saying all along - namely, what excellent taste they have.
Trinny (or was it Suzanna) said: "Doesn't this really prove how brilliant we are. If we had chosen each other for a lesbian relationship, it would just prove that we would have simply chosen the best, because we each have such fabulous, outstanding, unbeatable taste. We couldn't have chosen better. We are in fact just bloody marvelous."