Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 16 July 2008

image for Big Brother Belinda Falls Off Bike And Demolishes It
The only salvageable part

Big Brother Belinda, who has the fattest legs ever seen on the Channel 4 show, was today taking part in a Tour de France shopping task, when she fell off a stationary bike and demolished it.

Belinda told fellow housemates that she had never before ridden a bike, and certainly didn't look as if she had, mounting it the wrong way and sitting on the handlebars.

Later, after training, she managed to cycle for three minutes before breaking down and screaming in agony, not because her legs were aching, but because they were so fat, they were chaffing on each other, and the crossbar.

Eventually, the repulsive lycra-clad jazz chanteuse could withstand no more, and collapsed in a heap with the bike underneath her. Rescuers pulled the mangled bike free of the wreckage, but the damage had been done, and it had to be scrapped.

Expect the snoring, farting, burping Belinda to be evicted on Friday, all being well.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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