Another idiotic and overpriced celeb memoir is slated to hit the bookstands, a snarky sibling-rivalry-laden opus with the dirt dished up by Madonna's very own brother.
He says the singer really does kind of like her husband , director Guy Ritchie, other family members and humans generally, but, apparently, not nearly as much as she loves her face, her films, her music, her ass, her clothes, her career and, well, herself.
"My sister is the only person I know with life-size photographs of herself lining her walls. If people could be cloned, she'd do it and have her perfect mate.
"Honestly, she thinks she is just such hot shit, especially when she puts on that fake Brit accent.
"I think something huge would have to fall on her head to make her realize that she is not the center of the universe," Christopher Ciccum writes in "Life With My Sister Madonna," scheduled to come out next Tuesday but stolen from the shipping room in advance by The Associated Press. "Something enormous.
"Like a house."
The 342-page book, published by Pointless Entertainment, goes on sale at a time when Madonna has destroyed the marriage of New York Yankees ball-scratching star Alex Rodriguez to his lovely wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, who filed for divorce and a gun permit on Monday.
According to Ciccum, she and Alex really love each other, despite rumors that Cynthia has been spending a lot of time down at the shooting range. He believes that, despite Alex sleeping with a famous skank, they are "passionately committed" to staying married, or at least until 'death do us part'.
Not all share that his optimism. Betting odds are running high towards a Rodriguez divorce, with long odds of at least one homicide attempt.
Madonna issued a statement Sunday saying that she has "nothing to do with the state of Alex's marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study," apparently referring to reports that the singer had introduced the frisky ballplayer to the somber teachings and marital opportunities down in the Texas LDS polygamy sect from which so many children were removed earlier this year.
Ciccum's memoir includes everything from brotherly gossip about Madonna's sex life (she lost her cherry to a "guy named Bubba") to spicy details about such lovers as Sean Penn and Warren Beatty. What isn't clear is how much is lies and how much resentment for that Christmas when she got a new bike and he didn't.
"Life With My Stuck-up Sister Madonna" was actually written by celebrity ghost 'biographer' I. Wright Furbucks, who has written dozens of books on useless, lookalike celebs that no one gives a damn about.