Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 28 June 2008

image for Big Brother Jennifer Has Been Lobotomised - But It Was Unsuccessful!
Big Brother Jennifer (X-Ray)

Big Brother Jennifer, who, through her argument with Big Brother Rex, was responsible for the evictioning of Big Brother Dennis, has been lobotomised, it has been revealed.

The procedure was carried out on Miss Clark only three days before she entered the house by Big Brother Lobotomists, but they now say it was not successful.

On Friday, Rex tried to improve upon a particularly terrible 'painting' that Jen had 'painted', with the result that Jen cried endlessly like a baby. Rex later apologised, but this was not enough, and Jen cried some more. And some more.

Later, with Jen still crying, various other morons became involved in the sobbing, and Dennis ended up spitting in Mohamed's face. He was evicted and sent back to Scotland in his dressing gown.

Jennifer sobbed * until the next morning, when housemates saw through a gash in her cranium, that the connexions to and from her prefrontal cortex had been cut. Rex, who is intelligent, diagnosed the lobotomy, but said that, due to her continuing anxiety, schizophrenia and clinical depression, he thought that it had been a failure.

Lobotomies fell out of common use after the introduction of Thorazine in the 1950s, and have since been characterized as one of

"the most barbaric mistakes perpetrated upon the masses by mainstream medicine."

Jennifer, though, is from Chester-le-Street where mainstream medicine is unknown, as are knives and forks, and lobotomies, though barbaric, are still commonplace.


* Despite the sobbing, Jennifer lists in her profile on the Big Brother website that she dislikes people who spit. Her sorrow at Dennis' eviction, therefore, is fake, and her tears 'crocodile'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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