Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 27 June 2008

image for Paris Hilton Donates Income To Children's Hospital From Mini-Me Sex Tape
Shakin' it for the kids

(Los Angeles-CA) A year after telling Larry King that she "wanted to help kids with MS and breast cancer," Paris Hilton is making good on her word. It was announced today that a sex tape with noted actor, Vern "Mini-Me" Troyer, will be distributed by the same company that handled Hilton's "One Night In Paris" 2004 release, with all income being donated to "Children's Hospital Los Angeles".

The tape will be released only through web distribution. And its title "Little Big Man In Paris" was conceived by Hilton herself in an attempt to capitalize on the "word play" of "One Night In Paris". However, when it was pointed out at a press conference held at the Regent-Beverly Wilshire by a reporter that there is no word play, Hilton became confused. "No, see, Vern is small, but let me tell you big where it counts, and he was inside me, Paris. Get it?" Reporters generally thought follow-up questions would take up most of the allotted hour and moved on.

Troyer was also present and was asked if his part of the proceeds would be going to charity? "Oh yes," answered Troyer. "In fact, if Paris is willing, I think we should do an entire series of these. Maybe the next one could be, oh, let's see, Back Door Little Big Man In Paris?" Hilton would not comment only saying that "Wow, I wish I thought of that title, but a girl can only do so much charity work before she's considered easy or gets chlamydia."

The tape was only to be for private viewing and "maybe a few of my close MySpace friends," said Hilton. But then Hilton hit upon the idea while attending an Adult Video News Yahtzee event. "I saw all of this talent going to waste. How are they helping people," explained Hilton. "I mean, it's called a "money shot", so show me the money to save the kids."

However, the three and one half hour epic (Note: Troyer took Cialis prior to the shoot, and Eli Lilly is also donating an unspecified sum to the "Children's Hospital" for a sponsorship spot on the tape.) is not without controversy, especially a sequence that involves Troyer dressed as Hitler and Hilton dressed as Heidi, saying "invade me." This has caused presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain to call it "racist in the worst possible way and just bad dwarf humor." Both Hilton and Troyer were quick to defend the sequence asking the public to remember that initially it was only to be for select MySpace friends and maybe the "RedTube.com fetish channel."

Both Barack Obama and his "campaign wife" Hillary Clinton have praised it. Obama and Clinton issued a joint statement yesterday. "It's not often that celebrities give so generously to those less fortunate and in need. We find nothing wrong with Mr. Troyer as Hitler and as a dwarf his humor is inspired."

Calls to German Chancellor Angela Merkel have yet to be returned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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