Written by matwil
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Topics: Glastonbury

Thursday, 26 June 2008

image for Al Jolson To Headline Glastonbury
Wild child Julie Andrews' brolly, smashed regularly on stage

Today the list of performers at this year's Glastonbury Festival was announced, and it will be headlined by wild man of rock Al Jolson.

Other stars booked include Julie Andrews, famous for her umbrella-smashing-on-stage antics, Mr Blobby, the only singer to outsell The Beatles in the former USSR, and Pinky and Perky, who are awaiting release from rehab in America, due to their long-standing battle against heroin addiction.

Festival organiser Barclay Westminster said: 'This year will be the best ever, we've even managed to get Cilla Black out of retirement, to duet with Larry the Lamb. And at the dance tent there'll be Wossername Wigfield, and The Archies on video. That'll be £350 for a cheese sandwich, please.'

But not everyone was impressed with the lineup, and one anonymous star, who we'll call Noel O'Gallagher, said: 'What a load of crap, man, we wouldn't play there if you paid us a million quid. What next, the Black and White Minstrels headlining, or Basil Brush?!' And his brother, Liam O'Gallagher, took a punch at Noel and stormed out of the room. Led Zeppelin are 97 today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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