Written by Alex Hinsley
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Thursday, 5 June 2008

Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher has left the band following an argument with his brother, Liam.

Gallagher, the lead guitarist and primary song-writer was astonished to see his brother on an episode of Gordon Ramsay's The F Word, on which Liam declared Noel's new haircut as 'fucking awful.'

Noel, completely shocked by the hypocrisy of his younger sibling, immediately phoned Liam after the conclusion of the show. Bass guitarist Andy Bell who was with Noel at the time, said that the older brother was 'completely fucked off' with Liam's negativities, so much so that he said 'Enough's enough. I'm out.'

Gallagher had recently fired drummer Zak Starkey according to mass media reports following the completion of the band's seventh studio album, and Bell has said that Noel's departure has rocked the band.

'Liam's acting even more retarded than usual. He's even vowed to shave off his hair,' Bell revealed. 'Gem's been really quiet, but Liam and I suspect he is secretly distraught after Noel's departure ended the homosexual relationship between the pair. Everything's gone tits-up, frankly.'

Gem Archer, who was unavailable for comment, is likely to take over on lead guitar until a replacement can be found. It is widely speculated that Jimi Hendrix will be resurrected in order for the band to persue their newly-found psychadelic strain of music.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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