Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 2 June 2008

image for Jonas Brothers gayer than Daniel Radcliffe?
"remote-controlled chastity belt based on a high-tech SatNav system linked to Mom's ever-menacing Blackberry"

London - (Silver Ring Thing Mess): A sophisticated PR campaign promoting the imminent arrival of Disney's latest godsquad heart-throbs the Jonas Brothers has London pop fans reeling with disbelief.

"Kids over here were so easily fooled by Daniel Radcliffe's apparent heterosexuality until that lurid Equus whorse business," the London correspondent of LA FagHagSlagMag celeb gossip paper commented today.

The fanzine has conceded however that the JBs are young, wholesome, talented and probably still officially heterosexual, "with the sort of eye-catching good-looks that make teenage girls positively gag for it."

Promoters behind the Disney Christian pop band claim they have taken the pledge to abstain from pre-marital sex - "especially with the legendarily rabid, orgasm-ravenous thirteen and fourteen year-old English sluts that their hometown Pastor repeatedly warned them about."

According to the band's manager Dave Horeless the lads - Nick 16, Joe 18 and Kevin 20 - are saving up their viginity for life partners chosen for them "by the Lord".

"There's no compulsion, of course," Horeless told reporters today ahead of the band's O2 gig next week.

"And absolutely no truth in those ugly stories that their Silver Ring Thing is a remote-controlled chastity belt based on a high-tech SatNav system linked to their Mom's ever-menacing Blackberry."

The first gig is on Sunday 8 June.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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