Written by Ben Johnson
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Topics: American Idol

Monday, 19 May 2008

Los Angeles - David Archuleta, one of American Idol's finalists, has decided to quit the competitions citing overly commercial nature of show and undesirable judges.

The young David says he cannot work with New Ager, Paula Abdul and has called Randy Jackson a racist. Simon Cowell, according to the 17 year old singer, is a "delusional wannabe".

Asked to expound, the teen explained that he had come across secret tapes showing Cowell auditioning in the early stages of the star search, The Next Pussycat Doll. Archuleta adds that he also pleaded with Judge Randy Jackson to end his love for races and fast cars. "Fast cars are very dangerous. It is a part of the culture of Death." said the religious teen singing sensation.

Jackson reportedly sent him a text message saying, "I love speed. What do you expect me to do? Join a marathon?" This according to Archuleta triggered his resolve to quit the illustrious singing contest and surrender the chance for a million dollars, fame and fortune.

He plans on going back to school and later of fulfilling his dream of becoming a soldier, fighting in Iraq. Asked if this contradicted his beliefs on the culture of Death, he replied, "I love Patriotism. What do you expect me to do? Sit at home and just watch American Idol?"

Contacted by phone, the Judges were given a chance to air their side on the controversy. Judge Paula said, "It's a new age. Isn't it?" Jackson's reaction was, "I ain't running on no marathons, man!" The spokesman of Cowell denies that it was the famous judge on the tape since the date flashing beneath the recording was identical to when Cowell was in Spain auditioning to be the next Indiana Jones.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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