Written by spazzlepadazzle
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Sunday, 11 May 2008

image for Tit for Tat says Mariah Carey
Mariah in her 'street attire'

After hearing her latest album and watching her latest videos reporters began to assume that Mariah Carey had abandoned her role as a diva/singer to become that of a down and dirty hooker. It turns out that they were in fact correct. In a shocking move Mariah decided that she had had enough of pouring her soul into a mike night after night and would instead "sell her body to said night".

She, alas, is not the only 'beloved' entertainer to switch careers recently. Flagging record sales caused by illegal downloads has forced many to review their career choices. Britney Spears for example now sells her hair for wigs and Amy Winehouse (also known as train wreck Winehouse) has started robbing trains like they do in the westerns. The reason for this as has already said is of course purely down to illegal downloads by teeny boppers who obviously can't afford to buy the CDs for themselves and instead pay nothing but get the songs for free woohoo.

Mariah is said to be perfectly happy with her new job despite her friends repeatedly telling her that she does not have to put on that red light or even walk the streets for money as she has several cars and it's hard to hoover without normal white light. She has even admitted that her latest album was all one big advert for her 'wares', even the title e=mc2 is not the innocent Einstein equation that it appears, this is because when it is viewed through 3d film glasses another letter appears and it becomes e=mc2u, translating into "ecstasy=my c*nt 2 u" isn't that lovely of her. She does not even want payment to be in money, she is so demoralised that she will except utter tat for a view of her 'nipular area' and good quality tat for *cough, other things as she wants all of her fans to have a go not just ones with money.

This reporter doesn't know what to think about these events but will see how it pans out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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