Written by Ben Macnair
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Tuesday, 6 May 2008

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There she was, plain as day, in front of my face, in that lift. God, it took all of my strength not to hit her in the face.

There was confusion today,when Geri 'Ginger Spice' Halliwell was trapped in a lift for an hour with a number of other people.

The Spice Girl described her time in the Thurrock shopping Centre Lift as traumatic. She was there to sign some of her ghost written children's book, after jumping on a band-wagon that had been previously occupied by Madonna, CS Lewis, and JK Rowling.

The annoying singer told us: 'Man, it was dreadful. I kept looking at all these people, asking if they knew who I was, and of course none of them did, but to be fair, none of them looked like the average Heat reader. They all looked like they had better things to do than to wait in a lift with a faded pop-star who's star has been descending for a decade'

When asked for his opinion, a fellow lift passenger, Gary Smith told us: 'Man, that was so traumatic. She was just so irritating. I hear that they are going to be turning that into a film. We thought we were in danger. In fact, the old lady in the lift had been praying to be let out. She told me she was claustrophic, and scared of heights, but I know that is not true. Who is scared of Santa?'

The man who normally fixes the lift was on holiday, but this is what he said: 'Man, I work in that place everyday for 15 years, and the one time I take some time of, a famous person gets stuck in the lift. Gerri Halliwall, I thought you said Jerry Springer, or Jerry Hall. No, I don't listen to much pop music myself mate. I am more into Val Doonican, or if I am feeling raucous, Lonnie Donnegan'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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