Written by Steve Shaw
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Sunday, 9 May 2004

San Francisco, CA-Friends across the San Francisco bay were shocked on Saturday when Jeremy Henderson, a prominent local gay businessman, came out of the closet, revealing himself to be straight.

"I just couldn't take the lying anymore…" he said. "You know, my girlfriends and I would always go to bars to check out guys. I haven't told them this yet, but whenever we went, I would always catch myself staring at their chests or butts…I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, it's not like I can help being straight, and I didn't ask to be born this way, but I just can't help it. I hope my friends can accept me for the way I am."

Some of Henderson's friends say they're willing to accept the changes, but others are not so tolerant. "I just, like, can't believe that man," said long time friend Sergio Alvarez. "It's such a major shock to learn all this, I don't know what to think! I mean, Jeremy is the man I shared cherry gin fizzes and manhattans with while we discussed the insensitivities of men. And now to find that he's straight, oh the nerve! I bet he was checking out girls there, too," he added. "How disgusting!"

Henderson expressed his worries about his business. "I don't think most people here will have a problem doing business with a straight man, but you never know. Some people are just so unaccepting!" He also spoke about his worries of finding a straight partner. "I mean, we are in Frisco."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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