Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 15 April 2008

image for Tom Cruise quits Scientology
Xenus' wrath? Comet 2P/Encke has been hit by a giant solar Coronal Mass Ejaculation close to Earth

Hollywood - (Godfearing Mess): Tom Cruise is reported to have quit the Church of Scientology after a week of terrible nightmares warning him that the cult's god Xenu is about to betray him.

The shock report has also stated Scientology pals have gone apoplectic following the news of 'apocalyptic' cosmic omens seen by the Hubble telescope.

This week NASA released footage of Comet 2P/Encke hit by a giant solar Coronal Mass Ejaculation close to Earth.

For senior Scientology cognoscenti like Cruise this could be the 'Wall of Fire' signal he has dreaded all his life.

The Hollywood actor was apparently told by church elders a long time ago that unfinished business with a former spouse could result in Xenu's wrath upon him.

Californian celebrity magazine LA FagHagSlagMag sources said today that Cruise has torn up his membership card, stopped bank transfers to his local temple, deleted email addresses and phone numbers 'and installed a giant protective lead roof over his Beverly Hills mansion to ward off the Galactic Confederacy's penetrating thought-rays'.

Other sources have claimed Cruise is now comparing official Scientology Church annual receipts with those of Warren Jeffs' Yearn For Zion fundamentalist cult.

Katie Holmes is 33.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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