Written by Kirsty Walker
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Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Teenage Girl 76% Compatible With Josh Hartnett
Yeah, I'd do him

A simple numerical test has proven that 14 year old Kayleigh Roberts of Atlanta, Georgia is 76% compatible with the actor Josh Hartnett.

The test, which was executed by Kayleigh's "best friends in the whole world", namely Janie Walker , Sonia Clay and Tiffany Chalmers proves that Kayleigh and Hartnett's love score is, like, totally high.

Kayleigh's birthdate, age and the number of letters in her name were divided by the number of times she saw Pearl Harbor. A similar mathematical equation was done on Josh Hartnett, and the numbers revealed the high probability that the pair will marry.

Josh Hartnett was unavailable for comment, but the girls believe that he is "far too, like, sensitive and in touch with his own feelings" to ignore the compatibility score.

Further tests proved that the couple's children will be named Dylan, Shania and Cody.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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