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Friday, 21 March 2008

image for Former Contestants Tell Current Wannabees "Tits and Ass Won't Win Idol"
They may look nice, but won't help you win

Kellie Pickler knows as the voice of experience. So does Kimberly Caldwell. Antonella Barba found out last season. Kristy Lee Cook may learn the lesson this year. According to Kellie, "It takes more than a nice pair a' tits and a tight ass to win Idol. You gotta be able to sing some."

Former Idol contestants from the top 24 talked to this year's remaining females and filled them in on the secrets to winning the competition.

Katherine McPhee, who made it all the way to second place, said "I had a wardrobe malfunction and flashed my yellow panties to the whole country, but I still couldn't win it all. Simon says it's a singing competition and he's probably right."

Antonella Barba warned the new crop of contestants that posting naked pictures of yourself on the internet didn't even get her into the top twelve.

Shyamali Malakar, sister of Sanjaya, said that posting nude pictures and being a Hooters girl didn't seem to help her much either.

"You can get there on looks and the casting couch," concluded Kellie, "but that ain't gonna give you no trophy at the end. It did pay for my boob job, though!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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