Written by Squizzard
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Topics: Gilligan

Thursday, 13 March 2008

image for Ginger Denounces Mary Ann's Drug Abuse

Tina Louise, better known as 'Ginger' from 'Gilligan's Island', issued a statement today denouncing fellow cast mate, Dawn Wells', aka Mary Ann, drug abuse. Louise, calling from Hollywood's famous 'Home for Aged Actors' said Wells' denial of drug usage was "disgusting".

"Dawn always thought she could get by with her girl-next-door looks and played the innocent victim in everything. That woman was and is a cesspool of all things evil."

Rumors of a behind the scenes rivalry between Louise and Wells were confirmed by Louise. "Dawn was a pot head back in the day and I was constantly feeding her lines to her. Plus, she always was stuffing her face with food because she had 'the munchies'. She was furious the day Playboy approached me for a spread and ignored her."

Wells has been put on six months probation for pleading no contest to drug possession after being pulled over the day of a surprise birthday party for her. She insists the drugs were left in her car by three mysterious hitchhikers she picked up on her way home. The hitchhikers have yet to come forward to substantiate her claims.

Louise meanwhile believes Wells' claims just reveal the woman she has always known. "Dawn was a habitual liar and fabricated all kinds of stories to make herself look good. She had a very vivid imaginary life. I think she's living in that world now--good god did you see her mug shot?"

Wells could not be reached for comment. She has checked into a rehab facility near Boise for evaluation and treatment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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