Written by Deanna Goodson
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Friday, 16 April 2004

image for Apprentice Scandal: Does Carolyn Look like Di?
Does she or doesn't she?

Americans were shocked last night when Donald Trump said that his right-hand woman, Carolyn Kepcher, looked like Princess Di.

"I can't believe he said that. I did take a second look at her, though and I still am not sure. I don't remember what Di looked like. Why did he say that at the time? I was waiting to hear who would be the Apprentice: Bill or Kwame. I was focused and he threw that at me. Then, my wife had to start talking and she cried because Di is dead. She still hasn't gotten over the loss. Dang it." Joe Ucantabelieve-Dahype, a middle-aged gent who held an Apprentice party that no one came to said late last night.

"She does look like Di. She really does. I hadn't noticed it before. I thought Carolyn looked familiar and I couldn't place it, but then, Trump said what he said and I had to relive the whole experience of losing Di all over again." Juanna Makesomething-Outtanada said in between convulsive sobs.

"I just hope that this will not overshadow the outcome of who won and worked hard to win the Apprentice. It would be such a shame if the true point were lost in all of this, wouldn't it?," a representative from a major network that wasn't NBC said today.

When each of the Apprentice contestants were asked the question, "Does Carolyn Look Like Di?" at the press conference held after the live taping, they replied:

  • "Yes, she does. She's a smart and wonderful lady. Any comparison to Di is well-deserved." Apprentice Winner, Bill Rancic, who said that his win had no bearing on his statement whatsoever.
  • "Di? I never paid much attention to her. Now, if you said she looked like Missy Elliott, I'd tell you -- Hell no, but in a much nicer way. You see, I'm all about the hip-hop."Nick, the copier salesman said.
  • "I had the utmost respect for Di. She was a heroine of mine. I think that Carolyn possesses some similar qualities, but she would need a different haircut for me to truly see the resemblance." Amy Henry, the one who everyone thought would win, but didn't, said.
  • "I don't care what Carolyn looks like. She didn't hire me and well, frankly, I don't want to talk about the "Apprentice" anymore. At least not until I'm on the second installment, that is. And no, I am not a bitch." Omarosa said.
  • "Who was Princess Di? Was she prettier than me?"Tammy asked a few of the guys before attempting to respond to the question.
  • "I'll say she looks like Di if Mr. Trump will hire me. By the way, he hasn't given me back my suitcase o' cash yet." Sam, the self-professed 'crazy man' said.
  • "Who cares? I need to find me another job now."Kwame, the runner-up, said as he opened up the classified section of a major newspaper.
  • "I am just a poor country boy without a college education. I am a self-made man who knows nothing about what people look like. What was the question again?"Troy McClure, the cute cowboy said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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