The old saying goes, 'The truth is out there', and so too, finally, is Britney Spears.
The truth about her true existence as an alien from the planet Bawblawbla has been exposed, and after a chaotic, toxic existence on planet Earth, the mothership has returned and beamed her back out into that great interstellar looneybin that she escaped from.
Her weird high-pitched voice, her horrendous childcare skills, her even worse driving and assaulting humans with umbrellas were all clues as to her true identity as an alien were there for all to see. While some of us knew it all along, it took the smoggy air of planet Earth to finally kick her off our world.
"Lawyers had been handling her child custody case with Kevin Federline, a stupid human, who just wanted to get away from the screaming, psycho alien chick that could see in the dark with sunglasses, shaved her head, back, and chest, and thought umbrellas were nuclear weapons," a spokesman reported, after police hustled her out of her home early this morning. "We were going to just say she'd had her sixty-first mental breakdown, but as it turns out she'd finally reverted to her true form, and deep voice, thanks to the mothership finally locating her."
When asked what she actually looked and sounded like the spokesman replied, "Keith Richards. Ten years from now."
Federline couldn't be reached for comment, as he was too busy throwing up in the pool.