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Tuesday, 1 January 2008

image for Winehouse husband 'does a Britney' shaving off hair after failed dope test fears
Flake Bleeder-Weevil may have used a Bic just like this one

HMP Belmarsh, London - (Bad Ass Mess): Singer Amy Winehouse's husband Flake Bleeder-Weevil has stunned fellow inmates by secretly shaving off all his bodily hair following reports he'd failed a urine test for crack cocaine use.

Using the well-worn 'rehab lice at my extensions' excuse first dumped on an unsuspecting public in February 2007 by US singer Britney Spears, the 25 year old took over three hours to rid himself of all hair including the gorilla-like growth on his back, arms, legs and pubes.

Bleeder-Weevil is in the slammer while on bail for perverting the course of justice charges related to a GBH case that names him as the prime suspect.

During her last matrimonial visit to her jailbird husband Winehouse was heard complaining that her wacko spouse was totally out of control despite claiming to be 30 days clean and sober.

"We heard Flake screaming at Amy 'where's my Xmas crack prezzie who filthy Pete Doherty-shagging slut?' on Xmas Eve," fellow Belmarsh inmates claimed today.

Winehouse and Doherty are currently in Jamaica on a Ganja Sunshine Tours winter break package.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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