Written by Fred Peters
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Tuesday, 2 October 2007

image for Leave Chris Crocker Alone!

So sad Britney Spears is being hounded to the brink of death by sick paps and pisshead hacks, The Sauce can reveal. Taking her kids away seems like the final nail in the coffin but Britney is fighting back!

Crocker shit

In a shock move, she has let Youtube niche celeb Chris Crocker take her kids. A court has ruled Crocker mentally unstable after his loony outbursts about Britney but Brit has defended him, describing him as 'a true role model'.

Chimps

In an exclusive warts-and- all doc for Chimp TV (also owned by The Sauce), the Tennessee tragedian also quipped: 'All they do is get a pap shot of me looking dog rough, then look up my discography on Wikipedia then make some lame puns based on my past singles.'

Nuts

The sick host hinted that she is a publicity hungry desperado whose career is on the skids who would do anything to get back to the top, to which Britney replied, whilst pointing and wobbling her head, 'Oh yeah, like what?' 'Like bare your genitals from a limo, invite photographers to snap you shaving your hair off, doing paedo photoshoots with a pink bike and tonguing Madonna. What's next, shitting in a crisp packet in the 5 and Dime?'

'Who told you?' yelled Britney, as she stormed out.

Batty bleach

The Sauce can reveal that she may have been on her way to a $500 a session anal bleaching clinic in London. Sources close to her say that she is always looking through her legs in front of the mirror and complaining about how dark it all is. 'She thinks the only way to stop disappearing up her own ass is to bleach it', said one friend.

Up the shitter, baby one more time

But one thing's for sure - if she does snuff it, we'll climb inside the coffin and take snaps where the sun don't shine, then Photoshop the pics to get a top poop shoot scoop.

Also:

  • 'K-Feds! Dumped lover's cop suck shame!
  • Tree-hab - Brit forest hideout!
  • Now baby Jayden drives Hummer!
  • Big thatch photoshoot sickener!
  • Toxic! Spears off her chump on mouthwash!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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