Written by Noshing Mink
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Saturday, 29 September 2007

image for J.K. Rowling casts Imperius Curse at National Movie Awards - Harry Potter film takes every award
Boy with specs holds Daniel Radcliffe

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix swept ITV's National Movie Awards at the London's Royal Festival Hall, taking every award, even the award for the best animation. Critics claim that the film didn't deserve so many awards and that "hocus pocus" was afoot.

Actor Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry, surprisingly took the award for best male performance, despite many critics saying he can't act and only has one expression. Since he was unable to attend, a piece of wood was sent in his place to collect the award and pose with fellow stars - nobody noticed the difference.

Emma Watson scooped the award for best actress, defeating rivals including Dame Judi Dench, Eva Green, Kirsten Dunst and the lovely Keira Knightley.

Members of the audience soon got used to hearing the words "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", as every subsequent award was given to that movie, including the award for the best animation, which many felt should have gone to either the Simpsons Movie or Shrek the Third.

The awards were presented by unknown actor and comedian Alexander Armstrong, who was described by witnesses as "in a daze" and "as though he were being controlled by someone else". Potter writer J.K. Rowling had been seen waving Daniel Radcliffe at him earlier and muttering something like "Imperio", one unnamed witness said.

The Imperius Curse (Imperio) is an unforgivable curse, which causes the victim to say and do anything he is told. We sent a lad on work experience to interview J.K. Rowling and he told us:

"Miss Rowling is completely innocent. She is a fantastic writer and Order of the Phoenix deserves all these awards, even best animation."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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