Written by Griffin Hagle
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Topics: Pope, Miracle

Friday, 5 March 2004

image for Pope Learns to Play Guitar in Just 3 Days!
An elated John Paul II holds up his new copy of '3 Day Guitar.'

Could it be a miracle? Almost

VATICAN CITY -- In a statement issued by Vatican officials today, Pope John Paul II expressed his desire to permanently alter his title to "His Most Rockin' Roman Pontificate."

Sources close to the 83-year old pontiff credit this somewhat uncharacteristic announcement to his recent purchase of 3 Day Guitar, an instructional guitar video that claims to turn absolute beginners into competent guitarists.

"Contrary to what some people might imagine, the Holy Father is actually quite the avid Internet user," says Cardinal Francó Wloszcyza, one of his chief confidants. "He went to www.3dayguitar.com and ordered the next-day delivery option. I've almost never seen him happier than when his DVD got here."

Understandably, this news has drawn mixed reactions among Catholics and non-Catholics alike. Says Roberto Ruiz, a priest in Albuquerque, N.M.: "I'm not sure I stand firm in my support behind what seems to be a frivolous news item for the Church, but on the other hand, it takes some of the heat off the whole pedophilia thing, so I can't complain."

Lisa Rudolph, a Lutheran and manager of an independent record label based in Hell, Mich., nonetheless condones the Pope's new pasttime. "I think it's great! He's certainly got the star status; if he's got an iota of talent to go with it, I'd sign him tomorrow."

Among the songs the Pope can now be heard jamming to are religious favorites like "Silent Night" and "Amazing Grace," but every now and then, "...we hear a little bit of Elvis," adds Wloszcyna.

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