Written by Buck E Filbert
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Topics: Nicole Richie

Saturday, 28 July 2007

image for Nicole Richie Plays, "Sympathy for Pregnancy," and Wins
This is the closest Nicole will come to being pregnant

"Wrong way" Nicole Richie went to court yesterday and played the pregnancy card on the court system and the Court Commissioner, "not even a judge", went for it hook line and sinker.

Richie who stood to go to jail for a year for her second DUI conviction was let off very easy with a staggering 4 day sentence. A plea bargain was arranged between prosecutors and the defense lawyer. 365 - 4 = 351, 351 days not in jail seems like a reasonable balance for another celebutant gone wild, equal justice scenario.

Just so everyone doesn't get the impression Richie got off easy Court Commissioner Steven Lubell had some very strong words for her and her outlandish behavior. He said, "driving the wrong way down the freeway is bad. Drinking and doing drugs while operating a motor vehicle is also bad. Killing an innocent motorists while driving down the freeway the wrong way while doing drugs and drinking would be extremely bad. Ouch, that had to hurt! Scathing words that put Nicole right in her place.

Nicole has to serve 90hrs incarceration at the jail of her choice. Perhaps she'll choose The Paris Hilton in Lynwood Ca, she can stay in the P.H. suite the most exclusive room in the jail system. Truth of the matter is by the time they process Nicole into jail it'll be time to process her back out. Lindsay Lohan will probably be awarded enough time to stay at the P.H. suite at the Paris Hilton. She's only looking at two DUI's two cocaine possession charges, and a driving under a suspension, she'll probably get 10 days.

The rumors Richie is pregnant have not been substantiated as of this writing. It appears Lionel Richie pulls from a better camp of lawyers than the Hilton clan. Go figure.

All the writers at The Spoof would like to congratulate you on an excellent strategy, you're smarter than the average Paris Hilton.


From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
07.28.07

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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