Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 24 July 2007

image for DNA Test Proves Big Brother Tracey Is Really Robert De Niro's Sister
De Niro in Cape Fear

As Big Brother fans made Nicky Fromwatford the fifth evictee from the House on Friday, news emerged yesterday that another personality discrepancy has come to light that may shake the show to its very foundations.

After Channel 4 carried out a thorough and complete investigation, fellow housemates were told that Tracey Well'ard, the 37-year-old streetwise cleaner, was none other than the sister of Hollywood movie star and gangster, Robert De Niro.

'Tracey' who routinely tells housemates to "deal wivit!" and that she is having a "phat" time, has all the facial expressions and behavioural mannerisms of De Niro in, say, Raging Bull or Cape Fear. She was 'outed' over the weekend by fellow housemate Carole, who has a nose for 'things like that'.

A full DNA test carried out on Sunday revealed the connection.

Mr De Niro, who has had starring roles in several Hollywood blockbusters such as Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, The Godfather and Goodfellas, has denied that Tracey is his sister, but then he would, wouldn't he?

Miss Well'ard, who is grotesque, was interviewed by Big Brother in the Diary Room last night, and said Travis Bickle-like:

"You talkin' to me?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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