San Francisco, California - Finally, decades of wondering are over. Bert and Ernie are gay. Yes. The Sesame Street duo has been hiding in the closet for decades because PBS decided that exposing their homosexuality would be detrimental to the show. That is, until the success of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
"Gays are hot right now. We decided that it was time for Sesame Street to cash in," Maria, the token Hispanic on the show, said today from somewhere near Oscar the Grouch's garbage can.
"Besides, everyone already knew Bert and Ernie were gay. C'mon. Straight people don't wear those clothes. They've lived together for years and Ernie did have a fascination for rubber bath toys. It was so obvious," Big Bird said as he was primping his feathers.
Anyway, what gave it away was that Bert and Ernie were in line with over 2,000 other gay couples on Monday, February 16, 2004. They got married in San Francisco. The Count and Elmo were their witnesses.
It is rumored that the happy couple will take several weeks off to go antiquing in Paris before they return to the set of Sesame Street. There is no word yet as to whether they will adopt Rubber Duckie upon their return.