Written by queen mudder
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Topics: British Museum

Thursday, 5 July 2007

image for British Museum plans daft new £100m complex
The British Museum has a laughing stock hystery of deceit and cover-up

Londpn - (Ass Mess): Not content with its dodgy past heritage that saw it built from the myriad pillagings of foreign civilizations' antiquities, heirlooms and archaeological treasures, the British Museum is embarking on yet another fiasco to add to its repetoire of dismally mediocre projects.

A plan for a daft new £100 million complex "to house its blockbuster shows" is in the pipeline in a bid to rival its 2000 arselicking sycophantic tribute to the Puppet Monarchy called The Queen Elizabeth II Great Court.

The new 1,000 sq metre space will enable more people to see the kind of popular large-scale exhibitions that keep the Museum an alternative to Disneyland.

Funding is expected to come from McDonalds, British American Tobacco and Coca Cola with sponsors' logos displayed prominently in all promotions.

In recent years the Museum has fought hard to shake off its risible past image after the fiasco of the South Portico saw it reduced to a laughing stock on the world stage of antiquities' peddling.

This started with the discovery of an inner courtyard that had been hidden away for decades from public view.

As a masterpiece of design and execution the old quadrangle had a grand entrance portico on each side, housing a central secret Reading Room.

The board of trustees of the Museum decided to refurbish the hidden gem and to rebuild its wrecked South Portico out of the same Portland Stone that would match the original edifice.

So far so good.

The BM applied for planning permission to Camden Council which was duly given according to the Grade I listed building status which stipulated strict adherence in design and construction.

But somebody then ordered the wrong masonry. Not the requisite Portland Stone but a cheap and nasty airport-lounge-style breezeblock variety of crappy stonework that was mismatched in color, style and substance with the original.

But the accounts all showed that purchase had been paid for at full price and delivery notes confirmed Portland Stone had been sent by the suppliers.

So somebody must have pocketed a whopping great big backhander for the difference in cost between the real Portland Stone and the cheap crap that was subsequently used.

And nobody said a thing during the erection of this new South Portico. Despite nearly two years of site visits by government officials, quality control inspections and a million and one chances for experts to notice that something was amiss...Nothing was said for a whole two years until the day it was ready to be unveiled at the official opening.

As the British Museum plans its latest hubristic offering to the world a little reminder about the South Portico fiasco may bring it gently back down to earth.

Although nobody was every arrested and charged for the Portland Stone fiasco scam, the police never quite closed the case and all charges are open to renewed investigations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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