Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 9 June 2007

image for Big Brother Lesley Quits Show
Lesley, the ex-Chelsea Headhunter, has had enough

The Big Brother house gained two contestants last night, and lost another, the grainy Women's Institute lady Lesley Brain.

Lesley, from Gloucestershire, told Big Brother:

"I am bored shitless. I have better things to do than sit in here with these braindead, twisted morons. I'm off to do my ironing!"

With that, the 60-year-old smashed down the door of the Diary Room and left the house, pushing housemate Charley to the ground.

Charley, who is a 'nutter', was the subject of a racist attack by Emily Parr earlier in the week, and is thought to be 'in bits' over the latest incident. She will be letting everybody know about it at length over the next few days.

Lesley, who is very 'brainy', is an ex-headhunter, although she hasn't been to Stamford Bridge since the early 1980s, when football violence was at its peak.

As she left, she shouted that, with the introduction of two homosexuals, Gerry and Seany last night, the house should be secured and burnt to the ground with all the remaining contestants inside.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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