Written by Mark Lowton
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Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Emily Parr was C4 Big Brother Stooge
A security guard removes Parr's possessions from the house

Following the spectacle that was Celebrity Big Brother, sparked by racist Jade Goody, Channel 4 lost its lucrative sponsorship deal with the Carphone Whorehouse. C4 was also forced to make no money from the voting and given a stern slap on the wrist by TV regulators Ofcom.

In an effort to show themselves off as definitely not a racist organisation, C4 introduced an undercover stooge into the Big Brother 8 house. The plan was for the stooge, Emily Parr, to make a racist comment on the programme. She would then be instantly chastised by the programme makers and booted out of the house. Thus allowing BB and C4 to publicly affirm themselves as not racist, and also, make way for a neat little twist.

This year's Big Brother opened with a complement of just women contestants. This added further fuel to the possibility that C4 is not only racist, but also a sexist outfit. At the end of the first week, however, in a very predictable and yawn-making twist, a man was brought into the house to even things up a little.

The plan was always that the stooge would be kicked out before the end of the second week. This would pave the way for two more male housemates to be brought in to the fold.

The move was executed to perfection.

Emily Parr is now entering the world of celebdom, having made lucrative deals to cash in on her Big Brother experience.

Channel four are back in talks with the Carphone Whorehouse to get them back as sponsors for the next BB debacle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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