Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 24 May 2007

image for Tom Cruise 'apoplectic' at rent boy porno stunt
The LA movie studios who have hired the hopefuls

California - (Ass Mess): Actor Tom Cruise is said to be hopping mad today after an eighteen year old male hooker and fledeling porno star changed his name to Torn Cruise and pledged to lose his virginity in a live internet webcast.

The news follows from yesterday's shocker that another 18 year old, a female Texas model, has changed her name to K.T. Homes and is also set to lose her virginity in a porn movie.

It is not known if the two porno projects are related but both are said to have made the Scientology couple run to their lawyers screaming for gagging orders.

Cruise and Holmes are also reported to have complained to LAPD to arrest the wannabe porno stars on grounds of fraud.

Additionally their lawyers are seeking an immediate civil injunction to stop any filming while a team of gynos certifies that the actors are indeed virgins.

"That may be difficult given that the only alternative to a hymen probe is a Polygram lie detector," said a porno movie industry insider.

"The law around that test is tricky.

"One the one hand any medical probe of a woman's pudenda is potentially gross medical intrusion and carries a criminal penalty of up to 50 years in the slammer and unlimited fines.

"There's still no actual hymen-equivalent test possible for a male. However the Hubbard electro-psychometer or E-meter as it's known allows certain practitioners to use the device to "see a thought".

"If Cruise and Holmes demand this in evidence their very own Audit results would have to be aired in court to balance any arguments pro and anti.

"Can anybody really see that ever happening?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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