Written by Matty J Rad
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Topics: Spiderman, Emo

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

image for Spiderman now appeals to Emos
This Emo doesn't really care

In the new movie Spiderman 3, Spiderman dawns his new suit of black and grey. It has now been revealed that the creators of the movie are targeting Emo audiences using this new look.

In the movie, the creators go to great lengths to ensure that Spiderman has all the Emo characteristics. He grows his bangs and flicks his hair back several times, gets intense depression (due to his failed relationship with Mary Jane, among other reasons), hates the world and wants revenge, wears only black clothes and a lot of black makeup, and even in previous movies it was revealed that he likes poetry. While in his new Spider outfit, he has the ultra tight pants as well. The producers also promote the Emo idea of suicide when Spiderman decides to take on two supervillans by himself, although, just like most Emos, he doesn't die.

Unfortunately, critics say that promoting an Emo Spiderman won't increase sales by Emos. "Almost all Emos spend daylight indoors, normally crying for one reason or another, or writing poetry about how much they hate their life. They only go out at night, and only to talk to other Emos about how much life sucks. They won't bother going to see the Spiderman movie, he's much too colorful anyway," says one critic.

We managed to ask an Emo what he thought of the new Spiderman movie, and we received this reply: "Why should I go see Spiderman? Will Spiderman make me happy? No. My life is an abyss of darkness creeping into my soul and devouring my heart. But he does have nice style in that new suit I saw in the ad in the 'Darkness' magazine. But it doesn't matter because I'm suffocating with hatred."

It cannot be determined just how successful this business strategy will be at this point, but with the drastic increase in Emo teenagers these days it is quite a possibility for a new target audience.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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