Written by Double Diamond
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Thursday, 26 April 2007

image for Please can Hugh not feed the Paps
"I'll bloody well lamp you one if you don't stop it now"

Following the recent furore surrounding Hugh Grant's alleged assault on a paparazzi, police authorities have asked members of the public not to feed any paps they may come across in the street.

It transpired that Mr Grant was merely attempting to provide some food to a Daily star photographer, as he routinely takes pity on deprived members of the media.

The photographer however mistook Mr Grant's benevolent gift as an attack, because the food was thrown at him with some considerable velocity.

The police have asked the public to refrain from feeding members of the press, as they are more than capable of looking after themselves.

The photographer also claims that he was kicked during the same incident. Mr Grant claims that he suffers from leg spasms, and was suffering an aforementioned spasm whilst providing the food.

Mr Grant has been released without charge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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