Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 16 March 2007

image for BBC Newsgirl To Wed Spoof Writer?
Sophie and Monkey - is an announcement imminent?

A BBC News presenter wrote the headlines herself last night, when she made an astonishing admission 'on air'.

Six O'Clock Newsgirl Sophie Raworth dispensed with the details of the day's death toll in Iraq and the latest on the Cash for Peerages scandal, and instead spoke at length about the new man in her life, news site The Spoof timewaster, Monkey Woods.

Blonde bombshell Sophie, 39, who one could imagine to be "a bit of a vixen", told her audience that Woods was "funny, tender and considerate", and, although she had never met him, she was sure he would be good in bed.

BBC programme bosses pulled the plug on the transmission, but not before Raworth had vowed to track down her new love and give him "a jolly good seeing to".

Natasha Kaplinsky, who took over as Raworth was bundled out of the studio, later told reporters:

"She was agitated before she went on. Like a schoolgirl on St Valentine's Day. You could tell she had been sleeping on a bed of roses!"

Raworth came to the National newsdesk after a stint at Look North, latterly broadcast from Hull, where Woods also sprang from. She has now taken a week's leave, and was last seen boarding a train for Birmingham, with a large suitcase.

The object of her affections was unavailable for comment last night, but is known to be an admirer of Miss Raworth's "work", having told friends on numerous occasions that he would "kiss" her, given the chance.

"He's well and truly radged", said a close friend, "and who wouldn't be? A filthy Northern tart like that? Goooo on, Monkey!"


When I wake up, it will be time for breakfast.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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