Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 4 March 2007

image for Associated Press Bans Paris Hilton Stories For One Week
The world still exists after it went without any Paris news for a week.

Associated Press, the world's largest news wire service, recently completed and experiment. They decided to go one week without posting any story, picture, mention, or information about socialite and gutterslut Paris Hilton. For seven days, no one read any wire service stories about her wild orgies, drunken behaviour, sales of her sex tapes, partying with friend Britney Spears, reality television series "The Simple Life," falling out of her clothing, or her little rat dog.

Strangely enough, the world did not end during that time frame. No governments were toppled. AIDS was not cured (or spread any more than normal). Sales of tabloids did not increase or decrease. Crops were not destroyed by bad weather. No savage "act of God" storms obliterated third world communities. All seemed to go on as normal and more space in newspapers could be devoted to real news (like Britney's experiences repeatedly checking into and out of a rehab center).

The experiment was so successful that Reuters has decided to follow suit. For the next seven days, they will not print or post any stories or pictures involving another famous female socialite with long, flowing, well groomed hair. Reuters will not post any stories or pictures involving Lassie (unless, of course, Timmy falls down the well again and she has to save his life).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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