Written by Greg Creedy
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Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for Let There Be Light (Kissing)
Snog for Europe

Former Darkness frontman Justin Hawkins is hoping to wow the public into voting for him and Beverlei Brown to represent the UK in this year's Eurovision Snog Contest.

They will appear alongside other hopefuls Brian Harvey and Orville, and Liz McClarnon and Sooty on the BBC's "Snog For Europe"

If they make it to the competition in Helsinki, Justin and Beverlei will have to convince viewers that their snog is more meaningful than those of the other nations taking part.

Eurovision spokeswoman Angel Falls explained the rules.

"It's quite simple. Each pair of contestants must snog for no less than one minute and no more than three. Viewers from each nation will vote for the most convincing snog. Visible spit swapping, with actual saliva caught on camera is always popular. Tongues too. But in the end, what it comes down to is juiciness. Imagine the expression on the face of someone sucking the most delicious orange ever grown. Viewers are looking for just such an expression on the faces of the contestants."

Last year's Eurovision descended into chaos when Dutch representatives Agnes Barst and Aleid Duw's snog grew out of control and ended in the couple having sex in front of an estimated worldwide audience of 8 billion.

To prevent this happening again, Eurovision have employed bouncers who will separate couples who become too amorous.

But Justin and Beverlei hope to keep well within the rules yet provide a snog that will have viewers on the edge of their seats.

Spoof reporter Magnus McMuggins asked the spandexed star if he had the talent to win Eurovision.

"Sure, why not? But talent might not be enough. That's why I believe in a thing called luck."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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