Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for Paula Abdul Fired From American Idol
Paula asked this contestant who his hairdresser was and tried to set an appointment during taping

In the episode of American Idol presented Tuesday, January 30th, from Birmingham, Alabama, Paula Abdul was present for the first half of the show. She was not, however, there for the second half. An explanation by Ryan Seacrest during the program said that she had left to attend to a family matter in California.

Several hours later, however, news leaked that Paula had been fired from the show for multiple reasons and incidents during the first day of Alabama taping. Those incidents, not shown on the televised and edited version of the show, included the following:

1. Telling a 6'2", twenty-one year old black male: "You can't sing worth a s**t, but you've got a tight little butt. Wanna go get a room in this hotel after taping and I'll let you inside my Hollywood?"

2. Spitting across the table after taking a drink from her Coca-Cola cup on the desk (product placement with Coke is a big part of the show). She then yelled, "Who put straight Coke in this? What happened to my bourbon and Coke? I'm gonna fire somebody's ass!"

3. Telling a young, nerdish male in white pants that "it looks like you've got a teenie weenie, but it's probably still bigger than Simon's!"

4. Falling asleep when two twins from Atlanta sang the national anthem, then waking up and screaming "song selection, song selection, song selection!"

5. Telling Ron Viagra, who was dressed as Darth Vader and made a series of sounds like R2-D2 as his song, "I don't care what these guys say, you moved me to tears. They're just morons if they don't want to put you through."

In total, Paula gave her room key to sixteen different men (she had to send down to the front desk several times for more keys). She also had nine deliveries from room service (all alcohol). On the last one, she told the room service waiter that she was out of money to tip him, but offered to do a lap dance.

When asked who they wanted to replace Paula, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell had to think for a second. Randy said that "I just hope they don't get some dawg." Simon said that he didn't care, "as long as she has large breasts and likes Englishmen."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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