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Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Britney Spears Spotted Shopping In Pubix Grocery Store
Britney Spears Asks For "A Pound of Hard Salami" At The Deli

Britney Spears, tired of all the media attention and hoop-la, took a break today from concerts and paparazzi and went grocery shopping.

"This is something I like to do to relax," said the 25-year-old diva. "First, I like to go to the check out counter and catch up on all the news, see who's going out with whom and whose marriages are breaking up and what I'm doing with my life. It's like reflection. It's easy to let things get away it gets so busy. Sometimes I don't have time to think. Then, after I've flipped through some magazines, I like to go over to the deli for some meat."

Spoof reporters were not sure what the starlets favorite cut of meat was, but did say they overheard the pop princess ask the man on the other side of the counter for a pound of his hard salami. The man, after hearing the pop princess' request, couldn't keep a straight face and dropped the roll of liverwurst he was holding.

Pubix, originally out of the South, is now on the west coast, and has become a favorite chain of Hollywood stars.

"I think they just like our name," a spokesman for Pubix said. "It seems very avante garde and risqué and nothing like Harris Teeter or Piggly Wiggly which sounds like a nursury rhyme."

After Spears left the deli, it was off to the frozen food section for some Hamburger Mary's Frozen Hamburgers, Spago's frozen smoked-salmon pizza and Morton's frozen scallops.

Then, it was down the aisle for diapers for the one-month old, peanut butter, cereal and produce. Spears could not leave the produce area without making a scene after running into longtime friend Mandy Ashford and fondling cucumbers for a half-hour.

When asked how long the diva had been shopping here, she simply said that "it was her first time in five years that she's been to the grocery store."

In other news today, Rod Jeremy, tired of the risky porn industry, becomes a sales rep for Vlasic Pickles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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