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Thursday, 25 January 2007

image for Noel Proves That God Moves in Deal or No Deal Ways
The Spoof's reporters were seized at Noel's secret camp

Noel Edmonds, host of pass-the-parcel game show Deal or No Deal, revealed today that a higher force is at work on the show, and he has proof.

In a statement designed to attract more lucrative US TV companies to the show, Channel 4 said that a higher force had revealed itself to Noel in a dressing room, and without referring directly to God, they said it was a man with a white beard who told Noel that believers would be well rewarded.

Countering criticism that the show pandered to simple-minded pagans who like to keep their fingers crossed when crossing the road, a Channel 4 spokesman said:

'Noel has indeed taken holy orders. He'd been praying that something like this would happen to save flagging ratings, and lo, there was a blinding light. Noel came out of his dressing room wearing a sheet saying bless you my son.'

The show, which used to be full of spooky new-age mumbo-jumbo, now encourages contestants to pray to win big. Contestants are holed-up in at a secret location for weeks on end while they receive religious indoctrination before each show. Deal or No Deal goes out on a number of US networks as Pray or Die Poor, but is struggling to beat off the more popular rival, So You Want to Go To Heaven.

One simple-minded discredited contestant who won 1p and couldn't remember his own name, Reg Varmint, said:

'It's like the bleedin' mormons in there. Noel's going round like the pope dishing out hail Marys claiming he's talked to the banker an' that.'

Channel 4 refused to confirm or deny any religious bias, but said there was no way they'd have anyone on the show with a brain, because that just spoils the whole idea that lady luck smiles on the blessed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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