Lindsay Lohan is not the teeny bopper we thought her to be. In fact Myself and the team at air traffic control New York uncovered a huge conspiracy.
While we were searching for Lindsay Lohan on Google, we stumbled across a photo of her head and not her breasts. We already knew something fishy was going on, so we zoomed into the photo. We'd never noticed it before, but Lindsay Lohan has a huge forehead.
I soon gathered everyone away from their monitors to share this astonishing discovery with them. They may have caused a few plane crashes and a couple of electrical fires but what we soon divulged was far more important.
We soon noticed a small dot on her forehead, it seemed to have been concealed under mascara. We zoomed in a bit more and noticed it was a minuscule crater in her forehead. So we hired Conspiracy Theorist David Hasselhoff to investigate further.
It turns out that Lindsay Lohans forehead isn't a forehead after all, she is actually an alien from Alpha Centauri and her forehead is a nest for the evil worm that lives inside it. This worm shoots out inconspicuously when nobody is looking and jumps into the victims forehead slowly turning them into another alien. The aliens live on a staple diet of cocaine.
This is crystal clear evidence which cannot be proved wrong, and believe me, we tried. Look at all her friends who have turned into cocaine whores, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Kate Moss, and Aretha Franklin. It also turns out her breast implants were either an attempt to distract people from her forehead crater, or some kind of STD from Paris Hilton, most likely a combination of the two.
I can only hope the authorities get onto this before she starts attacking innocent civilians.
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