Written by King David
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Topics: The Spoof

Friday, 22 December 2006

image for Satirist Bitten By Rabid Fan; In Trouble For Pissing On Sacred Cows
This is the kind of Tom Foolery and acid tonguery that we expect from our writers - Lowton

Satirist, King David was attacked yesterday by a rabid Appalachian State University fan who felt like one of his sacred cows had been pissed on. As King was just about to close the gate (where the cow was after it was pissed on), the dog jumped out of nowhere and bit the satirist on his rump.

"I was entirely surprised," said the confounded satirist. "The damned dog came out of nowhere and bit me on the ass!" King was treated and released by doctors at Duke University Hospital and told to go home and nurse his wounds.

The satirist was reported to have deliberated at what to do about the dog after the attack, and, apparently decided to write another article in response.

This isn't the first time a writer for The Spoof magazine has been attacked for writing articles. Several years ago, the writer, Jalape├▒oman was bitten on the leg for writing an article against corporate water monopolies in the desert. The writer affectionately known as the "J-man," in a move to protect himself that only a poisonous frog or professional wrestler could emulate, turned himself from a man into a Jalapeno pepper.

"Now, bite me you insidious bastards!" he was reported to have said.

"This is the kind of Tom Foolery and acid tonguery that we expect from our writers," said The Spoof editor-in-chief, Mark Lowton of Lowton Brothers Enterprises.

"We want our writers to go to where the stories are, and, oftentimes the stories are about troglodytes buried, or hidden in their own back yards. Writer's seek truth at whatever the cost," he said.

"It's not uncommon for writers, particularly satirists to be thrown out of their countries. Satirists have a history of this," said Professor of Humanities, Dr. Hyman Curl. "Others, like H.L. Mencken, become editors of major newspapers such as the Baltimore Sun. It just depends on who's in power at the time."

"The threat of violence is always present when you live on the edge as we do," satiric writer from the Spoof magazine, Breeze stated in an off-hand conversation with other writers.

"We writers are a hardy breed, courageous and valiant, ever ready to tweak the nose of terror with our humorous scribblings and stand tall in the face of adversity. Although, just to be on the safe side, I generally target people weaker than myself, the disabled and elderly, for example," Breeze continued.

What a guy. Gotta love 'em.

In other news today, scholars are revisiting the work of Harry Golden, author of the infamous, Vertical Negro Plan to find out why his plan is only working for NBA stars and no other American Negro today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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