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Tuesday, 19 December 2006

image for Titchmarsh Becomes The Second High Profile Cheeky Boy
Titchmarsh sews his seed everywhere

The nation's favourite gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, is today being linked to the other Cheeky Girl; you know the one that isn't shagging MP Lembit Opik.

A spokesman for 10 Downing Street said:

"Mr Opik's his own man and nothing to do with the government. Of course the Prime Minister is green with envy but he very much cherishes the strong relationship he has with his wife, Cherie, even if things in the boudoir department have gone a bit stale"

Big-bosomed Charlie Dimmock, one time colleague of the diminutive Yorkshireman told us:

"Alan's a real live wire I can tell you. You didn't dare bend down in front of him for fear of being made pregnant. He was always going on about me giving him a private water feature too! Whatever the hell that meant!"

A spokesman for BBC Pebble Mill said:

"Alan is a real laugh and he was always 'trying it on' with the pretty singers and actresses that used to appear on the legendary Pebble Mill at One programme. On one occasion I particularly remember...but no, I musn't go on"

Mr Titchmarsh's publicist, Rex Clifftop, told us:

"My client is indeed involved with a pop star currently but I'm afraid that I don't want to go into any further detail at present, except to say that he met her when she requested that he inspect her bush. Apparently there was something that needed pruning and Alan was only too keen to help"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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