Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Lindsay Lohan Announces Her Own Line Of "Hair" Extensions

(Los Angeles--CA) Forget Brtiney Spears' upskirt oops! According to a Lindsay Lohan blog, LohanFan, the "actress" will be issuing a line of "extensions for the hair that you don't see...at least not during the first half of the date."

Fur-fect is a line of hair extensions for the "underarm and under the bikini bottom". The line is a direct competitor to Jessica Simpson's entry into the follicle fray earlier this year, according to the blog editor, nineteen year old Jennifer Walden of Woodland Hills, California.

It seems that Walden saw Lohan coming out of the trendy Los Angeles nightclub, Sapceland, at around 2AM. She asked what Lohan thought of Simpson's new hair extension line. Unknown to Lohan, Walden was recording her on her Razr phone. "What do I think of Jessica Simslut's hair," Lohan was slurred to say. "Lemme tell you something. When I was doing Prairie Home Companion, I couldn't get a decent waxer out there in Minnesota; so like for the first five days I'm itching like crazy. Then, after the five o'clock shadow wore off, it was like I was reborn. I said to myself, 'Linds, keep the beard on the chin.' Wanna see?" A scream was then heard on the audio, which Walden claims is where she "saw the evidence in dreadlocks."

When asked if this might simply have been an alcohol tirade on the part of Lohan, Walden was adamant. "Yes, it was 2AM. She was staggering out of a club and she threw up on my Razr, which by the way I am auctioning on eBay and donating a portion of the proceeds to Katrina relief, and then staggered to her car and drove into a dumpster, but that's circumstantial evidence."

Lohan's publicist would not deny the extension product. Said Matilda Barry, "If you're asking me if Lindsay Lohan came drunk out of a club and then got behind the wheel of a car, I'd have to answer that Lindsay is simply speaking on behalf of a generation of women who are tired of the tyranny of the wax. For years, European women have had thong fronts with side burns. It's part of being a woman, not extending the hair on your head but empowering yourself through extending the hair on your crotch...or something like that. That's what Lindsay is saying, not get drunk, insult a fan, and drive into a dumpster."

Fur-fect will be debut on QVC January 2007.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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