A Nevada judge has reached a custody decision on the two young sons of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Both were seeking custody of the children (Britney wanted shared and Federline wanted sole). In a surprising move, the judge did not grant the children to either one of them!
Judge Miles Springer, in a statement made from from behind the bench, said that "I find the recent behavior of Britney Spears to be deplorable. Running around bar hopping with a couple of skanks while not wearing any panties is not the example to set for two young children. Where were they? Has anyone asked that question? Who was minding the children while mommy was out looking for a one night stand?"
"The father of these two is not any better. As he is seeking spousal support from a woman he was only married to for a few years, it is obvious that he is a freeloader and does not wish to work. He has displayed his lack of musical talent or acting ability to the world already and needs to grow up and start earning a living. As I doubt he will start doing that to be a responsible father, I cannot in good conscience award him these two young boys."
"Many courts, in similar cases, will award custody to the grandparents. I cannot see that as a viable solution in this case. The grandparents already failed with these two [Britney and Federline]. Why should I give them more impressionable young children to screw up?"
"There is another entertainer who is wealthy and mostly retired from the spotlight who has expressed an interest in caring for and nurturing these children. He offers a home filled with what he describes as 'all kinds of love.' He has other children of his own and has shown that he dotes on them."
"Therefore, in the case of the Federline/Spears children, the court awards sole custody to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson."
Federline was too stoned to comment. Spears could not be found, but rumor had it that she was in the broom closet with a court reporter and a bailiff. Jackson was visibly pleased by the decision and said that he "could not wait to get them home."