Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Thursday, 7 December 2006

image for Lindsay Lohan Cast In Jessica Simpson Role As Britney Spears
Lohan is said to be delighted to be playing Simpson playing Spears

(Bentonville--AR) Monday, in front of Wal-Mart headquarters, Lindsay Lohan signed a deal with VH-1 to play the role of Jessica Simpson playing Britney Spears in a movie of the soon to be Pop Mom's life titled "Do You Like My Song or Just My Lips?" The signing took place at Wal-Mart HQ because the mega-store will be selling the sound track to the film along with participating in a "Tampax Dream Vacation in Vietnam" cross promotion.

Tensions momentarily flared when Michael Lohan, Lindsay's some time estranged father but not today, proudly said via video screen hook-up: "Thank God my Lindsay isn't a method actor because she'd have to get a lobotomy to play Jessica Simpson." At which point, Joe Simpson, Jessica's father/manager, flung a box of Tampax from the cross promotion display at the video screen, screaming for no understandable reason "Sic semper tyrannis." However, after he was escorted off the stage, both Lohan and Simpson ended any speculation of a feud when they French kissed.

Amid a blinding salvo of flash bulbs, Simpson was quick to say "that kiss wasn't gracious. We didn't just throw it in. It's in the movie." The scene in question involves Lohan, in her dressing room, staring at her mirror attempting to get into the character of Simpson playing Spears. The scene then dissolves to the two dancing in a warehouse, dressed in tank tops and cut off jeans, to the Chemical Brothers "Believe" and culminates in an open mouth kiss.

"This is not for titillation. It shows how dark these women really are," said Art Frenum, V.P. of Original Programming for VH-1. "It can be hell playing a pop star who's playing a pop star. We wanted to show that. In fact, let's see it again." At which point, both Simpson and Lohan kissed again. "The horror. The horror." Frenum framed the moment perfectly, amid another salvo of flashbulbs.

While Lohan and Simpson have both signed on, there is still a question if Britney Spears will play Simpson playing her. According to Frenum: "There are certain cost issues all parties are trying to resolve. However, if we are at an impasse, Christina Aguilera has expressed interest."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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